Matthew Lyons writes

I learnt a new word today, I heard Arsene Wenger mention it and felt if he was using such a word, it must be worth looking up… so I did:.

in’jury n,  pl -ries 1. physical harm or damage; -in’jure vt. do harm or damage;.

I was unaware that such a word existed, but suddenly it is all the vogue to use it. Apparently, if you get one or more of these, it completely cocks up your season! Ah, you learn something new every day Mr. Wenger, thank you for bringing this phenomenon to my attention.

It’s nice to see teams like Arsenal have finally caught up. Our decade of dismay, disaster and defeatism have been defined by such constant injuries, (and most notabely, lack of speedy recoveries.) Over the years they have hampered, chipped away and ruined any hope we’ve ever had of doing something half decent. It bloody hurts doesn’t it Arsene? It doesn’t help when you get
your best players injured at the same time DOES IT Arsene? There must be a plot against you or something… I mean, who ever heard of having more than two key injured players out at any one time….? WE HAVE PAL, and it’s bloody annoying isn’t it?

Maybe the Gooners have more of an insight now into what exactly it is like to support a team like Spurs. After all, they were rooting for us last week, now they have a treatment room that half resembles ours! Maybe now, and only now, the smug, gloating, self satisfaction they’re brand of luck has created over the years will be tempered a little. Not only have they tasted defeat, but they’ve brought it upon themselves. Don’t blame US for throwing away a two goal lead “Spurs Style” at the Reebok…. don’t go looking for someone to blame when you CAN’T EVEN BEAT LEEDS AT HOME!!! (one result we do actually have the upper hand over them on!) Look to your own players, look to your injury list, look how it affects them. Guess what? it’s harder to win games when your best players are injured! It’s true I tell you.

The instant swings and roundabouts of Henry’s offside “goal” against Man Utd, and Viduka’s yesterday were just too perfect. Didn’t see them complaining when they were 2-1 up last month… in fact what we did see was a very Spurs-like loss of concentration for Giggs to equalise. I imagine they were too busy planning their “Champions” chant at WHL next season, and wondering just where on Islington High Road they were gonna stand when the Championship was paraded the following week! If ever the phrase “Asking for it” were more appropriate it was when Mr. Wenger in all his wisdom declared earlier in the season that they COULD (I know, he didn’t say WOULD) remain unbeaten all season, on their way to a glorious Treble… the balance of power and justice to such claims was already starting to swing away from you.

How DARE anyone in football make such preposterous and arrogant claims. From that moment on, he, and his bunch of flash, showboating superstars deserved everything they got…. and their little fans too! If Glenn said we could win the next two games I’d think he was pushing it. I’d cringe at the arrogance of the man! The Gooners started to believe their own press. as if they were some super human race, a breed apart from mortal man, who were untouchable, unbeatable, and had surely come to Conquer Earth and Rule the Universe! I’ll admit, at times this season, they were frightening, and awesome and all those other words never to be associated with Spurs. But ultimately they ARE beatable, and guess what, they’re human after all, and they get injured. The similarities between us and them draw ever closer…. Of course, the Gulf of space in which that similarity has to bridge are immense, who’s kidding who? But you have to start somewhere. The longest journey still starts with one step…. my son!

It really isn’t our place to gloat, after all, a place in the Cup final was about our lot last season. It speaks volumes when you consider their definition of failure and our idea of success aren’t TOO far apart.

But anyhow, allow me to voice thanks to a variety of people, all of whom have helped remind the world that Arsenal are indeed just a football team, the same as any other…..
Stand up and take a bow…..
Mark Halsey and Ole Gunner Solsjkaererkjeraer(!) whose combined efforts helped remind Sol that HAD he stayed at Spurs, he STILL would’ve missed the Cup Final…

Youri Djorkaeff … after breaking our European hearts for Kaiserslauten a few years back, reminded us all what a thoroughly talented player he is … all is forgiven.

The Bolton defence (including Gudni) for putting in the tackles where it hurt and when it mattered. The injuries they sustained in that match weren’t any different from injuries sustained by clubs up and down the country every week … it’s just Arsene liked to think these were unique events, conspiring against his team of little darlings …

Whoever deemed to add SIX minutes of injury time during that match, if only to prove that indeed events weren’t conspiring against Arsenal after all. If we ever got SIX minutes added to any match we needed to win I’d quite happily believe there was a Santa, Easter Bunny AND Tooth Fairy!

Of course, that Fat Aussie  W**ker doesn’t seem so fat after all, quite a nice chap in fact. And if rumours are to be believed, we’ll have ample opportunity to thank him many times for that decisive goal next season!

Finally, the Mad Screaming Woman of Highbury… she made Van Nistlerooys’ goal at the North Bank even sweeter with her high pitched, glass shattering squeals of agony, and was there again yesterday to greet Arsenal’s demise with her own brand of anguish. Thanks heavens for pitch-side microphones and bless her amid her moments of torture. You were a pleasure to listen to my dear.

And that’s about it really, I know the general feeling of this piece is let’s all laugh at Arsenal, but believe me, nothing is further from the painful truth. We have NOTHING to laugh about this season, if anything, it says more for our dismal end of season that their failure to win the league gives us so much pleasure. But sadly, that’s all our beloved team have given us to hope for come May.

Hopefully, come May 2004, we’ll have our own end of season crunch matches, with our own pressure, hand clasping and nail biting. And win or lose those games I’d rather lose 3-2 at home to Leeds to deny us the League than 5-1 to Middlesbrough to deny us any sort of respectability whatsoever!

May the Spurs be… BETTER!

Matthew Lyons

The end of last season was farcical at best, disgraceful in the most part, and a portent of the horrors that await next season, should we carry any of the pitiful form we showed from about 5.30 p.m. on January 4^th onwards (Southampton in the Cup, right?).  Excuse any inaccuracies on exact date and time, I’d rather erased it from the memory!

The Blackburn end of season party (for them) match summed up my worst fears.  From the moment “our boys” stepped out onto the pitch sporting the new “Lucky Sky Blue” away strip monstrosity, the writing was on the wall.  That the club deems fit to launch such an obvious marketing ploy at the end of what has been a truly awful couple of months shows how little in tune they are with the mood of the fans at that particular moment in our season.  At least wait until the pre-season optimism comes round again, before unleashing us with another new design … (Incidentally, quite like the cut, but not the colour, I still feel a navy blue top/white shorts “negative of the home kit” would always work … alas, I don’t work for Kappa, I’m a Tweenie, so what would I know?)

However, away from that, I’m sure the dear old Execs. up at Kappa Towers would’ve seen the irony at the whole ground singing “You’re not fit to wear the shirt …” in the second half … In a funny way, I think they WERE fit to wear THAT shirt, it kinda worked for me.  Krappa shirts, worn by an even Krappa team!

The end of last season has been full of conflict, inner turmoil and confusion for Spurs fans.  From not knowing who or what to cheer for at home to Man Utd, to not knowing whether to join in with the “We want Hoddle out!” jeers from the Shelf, I really don’t know where to look for “optimism” any more.

The whole feel of that final home game felt like a gas leak.  You knew there was an explosion waiting to happen. It happened all over Matty Etherington.

In my opinion, and my direct viewpoint from the Park Lane lower, I think young Master Etherington should be shown the door this summer.  To tell ANYONE (let alone your own fans) to “Shut the F*@K UP” when playing like he was, is an absolute disgrace.  We’ve been looking for a scapegoat all season, now we’ve found one.  Lucky that, ‘cos if the “We got Graham out” brigade on the Shelf had anything to do with it, we were on the verge of finding the ultimate scapegoat … I think Glenn must’ve breathed a sigh of relief when Matty had his little outburst.  At least it took the vitriolic attention off of him.

Whilst Master Etherington has been bleating about better contracts and first team opportunities all season, he has hardly endeared himself to his paying public.  To compound it by playing as he had been for most of the season, maybe he should’ve been offering apologies to the fans, rather than telling us what we could do with our honest opinions.

I didn’t see him on the lap of “Honour,” was he hiding between some of the “bigger boys” ?  On the other hand, did he feel he’d already done enough to warrant our applause and appreciation of his season’s work ?  I wish it wasn’t the case, ‘cos when he arrived, (on the back of a trial at Man Utd of all things) I remember thinking what a coup we’d got and that Simon Davies was merely the “Ricky Villa/can my mate come too ?” part of the deal.  As is often the case, Simon has shone, and I only hope Alex Ferguson forgets exactly what it was he ever saw in “Super-Si.”.

Overall, Etherington has been a disappointment.  He still has “budding potential” but sadly has pissed that up the wall by preferring to be our new target of venom.  It’s a shame, ‘cos the footsteps he’s following have a lot less ability than he has, and he shouldn’t really be lumped in with the likes of Mimms, Fenwick, Stewart, Armstrong and Fox … (there is actually an entire team I could come up with, but that would be too depressing).  Sadly, he’s an arrogant little sod who has jumped before he can walk.  Arrogance coupled with ability and achievement can work, (ask Arsenal) but on it’s own, really doesn’t do it when trying to forge a future in the game.

On the subject (were we) of the lap of “Honour” I was fully expecting them to jog round the centre circle and leave.  So, credit to the ones that faced our potential wrath.  It could’ve got nasty, and I’m sure there was an element of “after you … no, no … after YOU” going on in the dressing room.  Why else do you think they’d send Dean Richards out on “reconnaissance” ahead of the rest, just to test the water ?

Freund really “lapped it up” and saved the day for me.  A bit of light hearted printed-shirtery always goes down well with the crowd … do you think Teddy was a bit miffed that his “goodbye” was somewhat overshadowed  ?  Freund summed up the mood of the Spurs fans at the end.  We know the deal, HE knows the deal … He’s not the best player we’ve ever had, the Team’s not great either, but who cares when you’re handing out number 4 shirts ?

Conspicuous by his absence was Johnny Blondel (a porn stars’ name if ever there was one).  His situation concerns me much more than Etherington’s.  Here is a player, who in Belgium IS the face of Nike.  He looks like a throwback to a nippy outside right from the ‘50’s and I believe he COULD be our Beckham … bear with me on this one … he played precisely TEN minutes last season, and in those TEN minutes; he helped create-the-move-that-led-to-the-penalty-that-sent-us-to-the-top-of-the-League … all in TEN minutes !

The boy is class, (if a little slight of frame), but if given the chance he really WOULD shine, and not be telling us to “Shut the F*@K UP” either !

No wonder HE was bemoaning the chance of first team opportunities, the effect he had when he was allowed to show his face did more than a season’s worth of “nearly’ from Etherington.  I really do hope Blondel stays, ‘cos we’ve got one there, we really have.

And so to next season, I for one won’t miss Teddy, on the end-of-last-season’s form, that is.  Though if he does become player-coach somewhere, surely we’ll benefit from it someday … ?

On replacements, we’re gonna be linked with everyone again, I think we could do worse than Zamora, but with someone else to add the experience void left by Teddy.  Phillips would probably not be the answer, and various “BIGGER” names just aren’t gonna happen … Christ, we can’t even get ahead of Pompey for Matt Holland !

I’d love to see someone like Joe Cole here, but if Blondel stays then trust me, we already have one.  It looks like Carr will be off, though I’d credit him with more sense than Campbell, he’d realise the implications of going there, and really, who could blame him if he did end up somewhere like Newcastle.  Though I really don’t like all the recent “parting shots” and stating the bleedin’ obvious about our European hopes.  It doesn’t help morale (if there’s any left), and it sounds more and more like he won’t have to explain himself to the fans next season, as we’ll probably only see him twice.  We’ll let him know what we think when he’s applauding the fans at the far corner of the Park Lane … Oh Gawd, Stephen Carr!.

I can’t bring myself to speculate who else we might bring in, ‘cos I’ll only get my hopes up and become even more disappointed when we only end up renewing Chris Perry’s contract.  Why couldn’t HE have told the Park Lane to “Shut the F*@K UP” ?  He’s got scapegoat written all over him.

Sadly/Thankfully (we’ll see, next May) I can’t renew my season ticket.  Work commitments mean I’ll only be able to make a handful of games, so a Membership Card and trying to take a little “Park Lane atmosphere” with me to the Paxton is about the sum total of my ambitions next season.  I only hope the ambitions of the club stretch much further.

May the Spurs ALWAYS be with you…

Matthew Lyons   (formerly Park Lane Lower, now part-time fan!)

He’s had relative success in his time at Chelsea, and relative to US it’s a major achievement! You might say he’s won nothing in the past 3 years, but we haven’t exactly been covering ourselves in Glory (Glory) in that time either !

The ‘Tinkerman” tag has been unfair I think, because he’s had SO many players and SO many egos to keep happy at Chelsea, what else was he supposed to do ? The smaller squad (and hopefully smaller egos) at Spurs would be easier to keep content, with limited rotation week-in-week-out … although the players will know of his capacity to change things when they (and sometimes when they don’t!) need changing. Unlike Hoddle’s infuriating habit of the 88th minute substitution, the people on the bench will at least know they’ve a chance of getting on.  So no more room for complacency on the pitch !

He’s got a tactical awareness that was honed at Valencia, but seems to have taken a denting recently (Monaco away) … the way I look at it, if he even GOT us to the position of having to worry about playing MONACO away in the Semi Final of the Champions’ League I’d be more than happy … He could play whatever formation he bloody wanted !

He is not afraid to give young, British talent a place in the team, (of course, Terry and Lampard would walk into most teams, but so would many of Chelsea’s squad, yet they are pretty much ever-present, despite the foreign stars, and the tinkering …) so I think the likes of Defoe, King, Gardner (but not on Saturday’s performance !) and Davies would be given ample opportunity to show what they can do (Doc & Richards on the other hand, can be shown the door for all I care).

At the same time he knows how to handle MASSIVE egos/reputations and blend foreign players into the British mentality. Just playing Foreign talent is as self-destructive as trying to play an all British team.  The Chelsea that became the first to field an all-foreign XI, is not the same Chelsea of today, and Ranieri seems to have tuned in to what works in England.  The blend needs to be right.  I think this is what Pleat has been trying to put across in the past few years, it’s just he came across as rather Jingoistic and ever-so-slightly racist in doing so !

Ranieri might even consider keeping one or two of the older players, in an attempt to bring on the youth in a more productive way.  Poyet’s future looks to be away from the club, but if Ranieri does come, don’t rule out a future coaching role for Gus … I’m sure he only got rid of him at Chelsea because of age, and waning ability. A clash of (rather likeable) personalities doesn’t seem likely … Unless he sold him ‘cos of a massive training pitch bust -up … in which case, expect Gus to head to Qatar, as planned !  Plus, Ranieri has the profile and influence abroad to attract a higher calibre of foreign talent than say; Acimovic, Toda and Bunje ! I also wouldn’t be surprised if he put Rebrov on the first plane from Istanbul back to Heathrow either …

His conduct towards, and subsequent “love affair” with the press has been borne of us watching him learn the language “live on air” … from the early days of the “Fat Translator” (who he?) to the laughing and joking that goes on now, he’s the complete “media darling” and the COMPLETE opposite to Hoddle.  Claudio actually comes across as a genuinely nice guy, with a Continental passion and flair. He knows how to play the media game, and the press thank him for it … Hoddle’s aloofness had much to do with how the press perceived (and in some quarters, visibly hated) Tottenham … If Claudio does leave Chelsea, as now seems likely, expect him to come out of it with a lot more credit than they do.

All in all, I’m warming to the idea of Claudio coming, and it’s starting to “feel” more and more likely, the players (well, Defoe) have started to name names, and the way the press are starting to report it, I think there’s a sniff of truth in how this might turn out.  We can all forget about Mourinho now … but still aim a little higher than the likes of Antic or Taylor … The 2003/04 season is a distant memory … the reason I say distant, is because it now feels like the season ended on September 21st 2003.  This ridiculous situation should never have happened.  Yet, thanks to the ineptitude of Levy, and the sheer bloody-mindedness and coaching inability of Pleat; did happen.  Both men have the opportunity to rectify things.  Levy, by appointing the right man, and Pleat, by walking as far away from the club as possible.

Arrividerci 2003/2004… Benvenuto Claudio?.

Matthew Lyons