21.08.2026
With a lot of new rulings and interpretations coming in for the 2026-2027 season, there could have been a whole lot more disciplinary edicts brought into play in the beautiful game.
MEHSTG uncovered a document that had been discarded at the last IFAB meeting, where changes to the game are discussed and while they didn’t have Arsene Wenger’s fingerprints all over them, it was clear that many of these suggestions were based on the understanding of someone who had a hand in introducing some of the dark arts in evidence in today’s game.
| . | |
| When an opposition player is fouled and the perpetrator stands/crouches over them giving them their opinion that they are faking it, the referee shall implement a new directive that requires the player committing the abuse to retreat 10 yards … behind the free-kick taker. | |
| . | |
| Players who are fouled and scream louder than 70 Decibels will receive a yellow card on the grounds that they harm the hearing of people within the near vicinity. | |
| . | |
| FIFA will implement GPS in all of their competitions to ensure that throw-ins are taken from the exact point from where the ball went out. This will be further enforced by the thrower being attached to a bungy rope that will not extend any further from the point it should be taken. | |
| . | |
| It will be deemed that any player who is found rolling over more than twice after being fouled cannot be that seriously injured and thus will be penalised by the showing of a yellow card and in future will be required to play matches in a leotard mimicking the clubs colours to signify their gymnastic prowess. | |
| . | |
| Any player who wags a finger at a match official because they don’t agree with their decision will be required to continue playing with both hands tied behind their back. | |
| . | |
| In an attempt to further reduce the amount of delays during a match, officials who experience communication issues with their electronics during a match (including the half-time interval), thus interrupting play, will incur a penalty of each manager having the right to administer an electric shock to them via the comms on one occasion at any chosen point in the game. This should ensure that they check before kick off that they are working properly and prevent interminable stoppages with them fiddling with their armbands and ear-pieces. | |
| . | |
| Further to the requirement that players should not crowd around the match officials, any player who touches one of them will receive a five match ban. Referees and assistants will wear a fencing style shirt that flashes a red light near the fourth official to indicate that a finger has been laid on the referee or his assistants. | |
| . | |
| Players who are yellow carded twice in a season for seeking to deceive match officials by simulation will be required to don a diving cap for the remainder of a season thus giving referees a heads up that they are liable to take a plunge to the turf. | |
| . | |
| Players who intend to enter the field with a bandaged hand must bring either a Medical Certificate detailing the reasons why or a note from their Mum. | |
| . | |
| Head Coaches will be prevented from straying out of their technical area by the installation of an electrified wire that will delineate the area they should be staying within. | |
| . | |
| Any goalkeeper who refuses to immediately get on his goal-line or tries gamesmanship to put off a taker of a penalty kick will be restricted from saving it by having to stand in a tray of treacle which would slow his ability to push off to dive in an attempt to keep the ball out. | |
| . | |
| Joelinton to receive a yellow card before kick off of each match thus preventing wasting useful time in the game itself. | |
| . |